(Seriously, this might be a bad idea to put on the internet, which as we all know never forgets anything incriminating or embarassing.)

For reasons not particularly relevant to this story, I was made aware of a science-fiction anthology called L. Ron Hubbard Presents Writers of the Future, which puts out a volume of new fiction a year, something like the standard The Year’s Best Science Fiction, but presumably with an emphasis on new authors; all well and good; they even present awards. The name, however, got to me. L. Ron Hubbard presents (presumably) GOOD fiction? As my roommate said when I described the series, “Is the name meant to be ironic?”

That got me to thinking about ironic endorsements by dead celebrities, and, perhaps due to sleep deprivation, I came up with an idea for a magazine that might be competitive in the irony department. When you read the following description, think of a supermarket glossy mag, suitable for housewives or pet owners, with lots of photographs, recipes, and large print:

Adolf Hitler’s Jew Fancier

1st Issue!

Front Cover: Adolf has his arm around a traditionally dressed Hasidic Jew, whereas Mr. Hitler is dressed in his usual fascist getup, and is smiling broadly at the cover.

Headline: I’ve Reformed!

Inside the magazine you have articles like ‘A Glossy, Lustrous Coat is the Sign of Your Happy Jew’ and an advertisement for Jew Vitamins that reads, in part, ‘Is Your Jew Listless and Lacking in Energy? Is He Not Enjoying His Matso?’

I’ve been trying to think of an appropriately inappropriate back-page columnist to round out the magazine. Maybe something by Torquemada (perhaps called Ask the Inquisitor) or Louis Farrakhan.

(For the record, though it shouldn’t be necessary, no, I do not think of Jewish people as being equivalent to cats. However, the idea stuck in my sleep deprived brain, and it amuses me. Assume for a second that Hitler was alive again, and suddenly decided that he loved, rather than hated, Jews. Would that be a nuanced thing, or would he see them as desirable objects, rather than human beings? In other words, a love as pathologically ill-conceived as his hate, but, you know, in a humorous way. I hope)